Hey... so, it's been a while.
What I anticipated to be a short time out for some reflection turned into a 8 month-long sabbatical. Oops! Writing is kind of like exercise for me, as in it takes a lot of intent and self-discipline. When I'm in it, I'm fulfilled and accomplished. The longer I'm away from it, however, the easier it is to make excuses not to hit up the gym, or in my case, Weebly. I grew and changed a lot turning my break, but now it's time to start flexing my writing muscles again.
Not unlike going to the gym, when I'm not working on my blog feelings of guilt often bubble to the surface. I start beating myself up about it like I'm wasting my time elsewhere or not living to my potential. I feel like I'm wasting precious time, but can't seem to break the cycle, so I continue on my spiral of guilt and self sabotage.
*long dramatic sigh* It all began in my youth, the more I was praised for being smart, the more I craved the praise. As I got older, those words became less uplifting and more of an anchor pulling me down. My inner voice grew harsh and cold. Everything I did was under my scrutiny. I had to be perfect, I had to live up to my own impossible standards, or I would be letting others down. I cared more about my image as a smart, successful girl who was going places then how those real destinations made me feel. Life became a set of goals to be achieved, goals I had no real interest in pursuing.
Pressures to be smart and impress others still haunt me today. Do you know how nerve-racking it is to run a blog where my scattered thinking and grammatical errors can be viewed by anyone? It is paralyzing ... see June 2016 through February 2017 on this website for reference.
In truth, your priorities and focus are allowed to fluctuate, they should often. Life is not about your career or your many accomplishments; it's about the journey. Things change, we change. I'm not the same person that I was 8 months ago, hell, even a week ago. It's really okay to change course occasionally if something no longer serves you or your interests change, I promise. You'll be much happier if you give yourself a little more wiggle room.
As I've gotten older I've tried to stop caring what others think and stick to what feels right. This can look a little misguided and unfocused to others, but personally I would rather have a revolving door of hobbies than to wonder at the end of my life if I could have made it as an interior designer. Spoiler alert: I tried it and it's not for me. There is no real end pursuit in life other than happiness and love. Both of these things are found much more often in our day-to-day lives then you'll ever find chasing that short-lived praise from others. Happiness is as much a part of the journey as it is the destination.
The true way to know whether a particular excursion is worth pursuing is to look within. Is your current action conductive to your ultimate dream? Not the big promotion or impressing your peers, but when you close your eyes and picture your ideal life, are you moving in that direction? We get too caught up in the details from day-to-day and forget to look at the bigger picture. Life is a collection of experiences and lessons. Are you living a life that you can feel proud of? Part of that means accepting the journey that you're on and changing course as needed.
It was the inspiring and hilarious Amy Poehler that said, "you have to be where you are to get where you need to go."
Let's switch our focus from impressing others to what we really want out of this life. Do not feel discouraged if your current job seems pointless or you aren't exactly where you want to be. Where we are today, even if it does not look like that ideal life, can be used as a stepping stone to something great if we chose to use it that way. Use where you are in your journey to propel forward. We create our life and it's time to put up our sails and let the wind guide us a bit. Stop fighting the flow of life and accept the journey as is.
Well, that's what I have for now. Thanks for r